In theory, there is a very clear distinction between guilt and shame. We feel guilty for what we do; we feel shame for what we are. Put another way, guilt is what we feel after we’ve made a mistake; shame is what we feel when we begin to think that we are a mistake.

In reality, however, the feelings of guilt and shame often overlap. In fact, it is not uncommon to experience both at the same time. For example, a husband may feel guilty for telling a lie to his wife, and also be ashamed that he is the sort of person who would do such a thing.

Embarrassment is yet another thing. We feel embarrassed when we are caught doing something that makes us appear inept, or immature, or just plain foolish. Maybe the difference is this: we feel embarrassed when we look bad, and we experience shame when we feel that we are bad.

The problem is that feelings—such as shame, guilt, and embarrassment—are notoriously imprecise. They are fuzzy, and slippery, and difficult to get our arms around. But as we move into the Season of Lent—a traditional time of confession and repentance—it is exceedingly important to remember these distinctions because we ought not to seek healing for that which does not need to be healed.

Confessing to God that we have done stupid things does not mean that we are stupid people. Confessing that we have failed to live up to God’s expectation does not mean that we are failures.

We are God’s children, created in God’s image, and so loved by God that God’s own Son died for us. Nothing can change that fact. What we are confessing is not that we have ceased to be God’s children, but that we don’t always bear much of a family resemblance.