The other day someone asked me, “Is it really true that ‘opposites attract’?” My immediate reaction was to say, “Absolutely. I see it all the time in premarital counseling. She drives a Lexus, he rides a Harley … she’s athletic, he’s a bookworm … he’s conservative, she’s impulsive.”

However, upon reflection, I feel the need to qualify that response. On the one hand, there can be little doubt that most of us are fascinated by—and indeed, drawn to—people who possess qualities and traits that we do not have. Hence, someone is who outgoing and the “life of the party” may be attracted to someone else, who is quiet and more reserved. Simply put, we tend to gravitate toward people who have strengths where we have weaknesses; someone who will fill in the gaps of our own character—or as Jerry Maguire famously said, someone who will “complete” us!

But on the other hand, just because you are “a little bit country” and your significant other is “a little bit rock-and-roll” does not automatically guarantee that the two of you will make beautiful music together—because I am equally convinced that, beneath the surface, a couple has to be basically similar, in order to get along.

By “basically similar” I do not mean in temperament or personality, but in outlook. The two people must share a common view of the world. If one has a cynical and materialistic outlook on life, while the other has a compassionate and generous outlook, then conflicts will eventually (and inevitably) arise.

People who are superficially opposite do attract—that’s true. But if they are fundamentally opposite, I’m not sure the attraction can last. As I often tell couples, “Love does not consist only in looking at one another … sometimes love consists in looking together in the same direction.”

In my experience, if you carefully examine those happy couples who seem to be so completely opposite of one another, what you are likely to find is that either their differences are an optical illusion—or their happiness is!