To forgive somebody is to say, in one way or another, . . .
To forgive
somebody is to say, in one way or another, “You have done something to me that
is unspeakable and inexcusable. However,
I value our relationship too much to allow what you have done to destroy it.”
Put another
way, forgiveness is neither amnesty nor amnesia. To suggest that, in order to forgive another
person, we have to overlook or forget what was done is both unjust and unrealistic. Some wounds are so severe, and cut so deep,
that not even the passing of time brings complete healing. Instead, forgiveness is a merciful gift—both
to ourselves and to the other person—which allows the relationship between us
to continue.
This is what
I think Jesus is getting at when he teaches us to pray, “Forgive us our debts
as we forgive our debtors.” Contrary to
what some have claimed, Jesus is not saying here that God’s forgiveness is
contingent upon our forgiveness (i.e., God will not forgive us unless we
forgive others). Neither is he
suggesting that the extent of God’s forgiveness is determined by the extent of
ours (i.e., God will forgive us only as much as we forgive others). In the first place, forgiveness that carries
those kinds of conditions isn’t really forgiveness at all; and in the second
place, sometimes our inability to forgive one another is precisely what we need
God to forgive us of the most.
What Jesus
is pointing out is that the same stubborn pride that keeps us from extending
forgiveness to others may also keep us from experiencing God’s
forgiveness. That is, if our hearts are
so tightly clinched that we refuse to forgive those who have wronged us, then
we may also have trouble receiving God’s forgiveness—not because God is
unwilling to bestow it—but because our tightly-clinched hearts are not opened
wide enough for God’s grace to flow into them!
Consider the
scene at Caesarea Philippi when Jesus tells Peter, “I will give you the keys of
the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven,
and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven” (Mt. 16:19). For the longest time, I found this verse to
be terribly problematic. Surely, Jesus
is not suggesting that we get to decide what God will do. After all, we’re in no position to dictate
what is sinful in God’s eyes and what is not.
However, there
may be another way to read these words.
Perhaps what Jesus is saying is that when we “loose” the sins of others,
our own hearts are loosened from the weight of brooding over those hurts that
others have caused us. And when we
“bind” the sins of others, then our hearts are similarly bound with the weight
of carrying those hurts around with us.
In effect, forgiveness becomes a way of setting our own hearts free!
It’s not
easy. Sometimes it doesn’t even seem
fair. But in my experience, forgiveness
is not really about releasing the other person; it’s about releasing ourselves.
1 Comments:
always a tough subject. Certain people I cannot forgive. They were not sorry for what they did and even got pleasure from it. I say, let God forgive them. He is big enough for that, but I am not. My task is to learn how to protect myself from those who would repeat the abuse. That is how I find forgiveness for myself.
By Joyce, at 9:22 PM
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