One way of defining shame is as a perpetual negative self-image. That is, it goes deeper than simply feeling guilty because you happened to do something stupid. Shame is feeling that, in fact, you are stupid!

As a result, if you feel shame, you are often distrustful of others. No matter how many people compliment you, or sing your praises, you don’t really trust what they are saying, because deep down you don’t believe it about yourself. Thus, you tend to be guarded around others, and wary of letting anyone get too close, because you are convinced that if the other person really knew what you were like, they would go running off into the night.

Shaming people was a very common practice in first century Palestine. However, from what I read in the gospels, Jesus never participated in it. He called the Pharisees on the carpet for acting hypocritically, and he became incensed when he saw how folks had turned the sanctuary of God into a flea market. But he never shamed people.

Remember that scene when a group of religious leaders brought a woman to Jesus, demanding that she be stoned to death for committing adultery. “All right,” he agreed, “but let’s do this in an organized fashion. Why don’t you form a single file line, beginning with those who have never sinned themselves?”

After the crowd slipped silently away, Jesus turned to the woman and said, in effect, “They have all left. No one remains to condemn you, and neither do I—but don’t do this anymore, because you are worth far more than this.”

Notice that Jesus does not condone what the woman did. He is not saying, “Adultery doesn’t matter.” What he is saying is, “You matter! You have been created in God’s own image and you should act accordingly.”

Too often Christianity is portrayed as being intolerant and judgmental. But as Christians, our calling has never been to condemn people. Our calling is to convert people. And that will never be accomplished by shaking a finger in their faces and saying, “Shame on you!”

Do we live in a world where people sometimes do shameful things? Of course. Should the church be speaking out against those things? Absolutely. However, we do not live in a world filled with shameful people. Everyone—and by that, I mean everyone—is a child of God. The way to reach people—indeed, the way to guide them back to the paths of righteousness—is by helping them feel loved, not by making them feel ashamed!