Since Thanksgiving is just a few days away, I thought I would devote this week’s blog to the topic of gratitude. I recently finished reading a delightful book called Gratefulness, the Heart of Prayer by Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Benedictine monk.

One of the things he mentions is that the way we speak can sometimes lead us to believe that life is mostly about taking. We will talk about “taking” a trip, for example. We “take” an exam … we “take” a job … we “take” a drive … and then, when we are thoroughly exhausted by all of this taking, we “take” a nap!

But as Steindl-Rast points out, we cannot really take any of those things without also giving. In other words, “taking” a nap is a bit of a misnomer. What we are actually doing is “giving” our bodies a rest … or, if you like, “giving” ourselves over to some much-needed sleep.

Gratitude is always a reciprocal process, giving and receiving at the same time. We accept a gift, and we give thanks for it. We bless the giver with our appreciation even as the giver blesses us with his or her kindness.

The remarkable thing about gratitude is that, like forgiveness, it is a favor we do for ourselves more than it is something we do for the recipient of our thanks. God encourages us to develop the habit of gratitude, not because God needs our thanks but because when we acknowledge our blessings, we come to feel differently about our own lives.

But if gratitude is so basic and beneficial—and if it helps us view our lives differently—then why do so many of us find it difficult to be consistently grateful? One reason may be a sense of entitlement. People who believe that they have earned their blessings, or somehow are entitled to them, are very rarely satisfied. They constantly measure their lives by what they still lack, rather than by what they already have.

It is a surefire way to be miserable—because, let’s face it, you will always be able to find someone who has something that you don’t. In fact, if you focus only on what you lack in life, then you will spend the rest of your days saying, “If only.” “If only I had a better job … if only I lived in a bigger house … if only I was married … or wasn’t married … or married to somebody else.”

The secret of contentment is to realize that life itself is a gift. It is not something that we earn, or deserve, or even are entitled to—it is a gift from God. And if you can learn to want what you already have, you may discover that you already have everything that you could possibly want!