Not long ago someone approached me seeking advice on how to teach her seven-year-old son the principle of gratitude. Apparently he had received a number of birthday presents, but had neglected to write any thank-you notes, even though she had reminded him of this obligation repeatedly. She had even emphasized that it was more than just common courtesy; it was the “Christian thing” to do. However, her words had failed to make an impression. “I can force him to do it,” she explained, “but I would prefer that he want to do it on his own.”

How do you teach someone to be grateful? That is a profound question, because, of course, we’re talking about more than just a feeling. This young boy may feel gratitude for all the gifts he has received, but if he fails to express it, then he will be seen as ungrateful. The feeling is not enough; it must be accompanied by an action.

But on the other hand, if the action is not accompanied by any feeling, then it will be seen as disingenuous. Merely attending to the mechanics of politeness does not constitute gratitude. You can write a hundred thank-you notes without being truly thankful.

I think the Bible might be able to provide us with an answer to this dilemma. In the Greek (the original language of the New Testament), there is a linguistic connection between gifts and expressions of gratitude. The word for gift is charis; the word for thanksgiving is eucharist.

In other words, the way the Bible sees it, even our expressions of gratitude are gifts from God. Being thankful is not our doing; it is God’s gracious love flowing through us. Think of it as a circuit of energy. If we hold on to our gifts, then we break the circuit. But if we allow the gifts that we have received from God to flow back to God, then we are expressing gratitude.

Therefore, we don’t really need to learn how to be grateful, as much as we need to learn how to let go. If we could let go of our gifts as freely as we received them, then gratitude would flow as naturally as living water!